Trolling for fun

Writer and Revolutionary?

2006-08-29T07:38:00.000Z

Benjamin Solah describes himself thus. I have come across his blog many times while using traffic exchanges and it really doesn't get any better.
This is particularly sad, because it was pretty poor to begin with.

As one is reading BS's BS, one pictures great figures of revolutionary political history: Lenin, Marx, Che Guevara. One pictures writers of note; distinguished and respected authors: Dickens, Hemingway, Oscar Wilde.

One does not picture this:

Oh dear.
Bless - did you take Auntie Cindy some flowers, Benji?
Hoping for a quick fumble with the manic old bat, were you?
Use those two fingers "elsewhere", perhaps?

Now, Ben and I wouldn't find ourselves agreeing on many things in the political arena. I have my views and he has his. But at least I acknowledge the fact that there is another political view out there. BS's BS over the recent events in Israel includes precisely 1 reference to Hizbollah, expressing disappointment at the lack of damage they are doing to the Israeli people. Awww. Shame. And why does this terrorist organisation exist? Well - that's because of Israel and the USA, obviously. So it's OK for them to kill civilians.

Oh - a brief aside while we're on the subject:

Global warming - USA's fault

Zidane's headbutt - George Bush's fault

The rather annoying mole digging up my lawn - Israeli spy, obviously

David Copperfield's recent claim to have found the fountain of youth - White House puppetry

Sorted? Great. On with the show then.

The fact that BS refuses to even refer to any opposing view undermines any credibility he could have had. His cut and paste'ing skills from such erstwhile journals as the Sydney Morning Herald and Socialist Worker are top notch stuff though. If only anyone actually cared as to the inane scribblings in those hotbeds of quality journalism anyway. Nope Ben - no-one does.

Finally, it should be pointed out that Ben isn't a big fan of the current Australian government either. But then, who gives a fuck about Australia anyway? Ooh - I know what's really, REALLY important - the political set-up of some sparsely populated desert land of criminally-descended inbreds whose only pleasure is derived from shagging farm animals while drunk on pissy, watery beer and whose sporting hero is a fat, drug-snorting cricketer.

More astute readers will have noticed that I have hardly mentioned BS's writing here. Why?
Well, because it's truly shit, that's why.

Things seemed to be going so well recently when our little hero found himself with literary constipation. Unfortunately, this welcome relief for the reading public appears to have passed.

Writer and Revolutionary? Don't make me laugh, Benji.
You're just a nerdy schoolkid.
Now run off home to mummy - it's past your bedtime.

Pluto not a planet - SHOCK!

2006-08-25T08:12:00.000Z

Yes folks - you heard it here 9,678,115th!

Pluto isn't a planet and lots of bloggers are writing about it. Is that because they have nothing better to blog about, because it's exciting to them (and therefore everyone else) or because they think it'll make a nice original post?

All three, methinks.

Sorry I had to go away. I'm back now and I have this guy in my sights.

Watch this space, dahlinks!

Baseball. Why?

2006-06-13T08:51:00.000Z

I don't pretend to understand baseball. I don't want to. I just think the phrase "taking the mound" is really funny.

Friday, June 09, 2006
Late Rally too Little Too Late

After many frusturating hours on my host site, all the technical issues have been resolved. We were unable to provide posts and updates, but we are now back online.

Tonight Randy Johnson took the mound against the Oakland Athletics in New York and it wasn't good.
The Big Unit was hit for six runs, five earned, in four innings as the A's took the first game in this series.
Yankees were trailing 6-2 until after a one hour and 27 minute rain delay during the seventh seventh inning. The rally started when Jason Giambi hit a three-run home run and Robinson Cano hit an RBI triple to cut the lead to one, but it wasn't enough as the Athletic's bullpen held onto the lead for the win.

Up Next:
Athletics @ Yankees 1:20 EST
Kirk Saarloos (2-4, 5.04 ERA) vs. Mike Mussina (8-1, 2.67 ERA)

Red Sox Update:
Sox defeated the Rangers to take over first in the East.

PATR Update:
We have just completed the 1911 season. So far they are undefeated on the following dates:
April 14
May 19
Oct 1
They have not had a defeated day of the year.

"They have not had a defeated day of the year?"

That's not even English, is it?

In one small sidebar...

2006-06-13T07:36:00.000Z

"I am a twentysomething Alaskan living in Fairbanks. We call the little icicles that stick to my poodle Bobby's fur when he plays outside Pupsickles, hence the name of the blog."

Sheer genius. I read this in a sidebar at Pupsickle. Don't ask what I was doing there - I surfed in entirely by accident. This blog is bad. But then I got thinking, maybe writing a blog with a sidebar this awful is actually a tool to make people stay a little longer.

I'm actually incredulous at just how anyone could:

Own a poodle called Bobby

Admit to owning a poodle called Bobby

Name the icicles that stick to his fur

Admit to naming the icicles that stick to his fur

Name a blog after the name that you give the icicles that stick to your poodle's fur, and finally

Admit that you named your blog after the name that you give the icicles that stick to your poodle's fur.

And it kept me there, wondering if things could possibly get any worse.

Right on cue:

"My dogs have a blog"

Really? Well, I'm guessing they write more of it than the similar canine literary geniuses such as Ashley Simpson and Pamela Anderson wrote of their recent offerings, but even so?
Don't the icicles - SORRY - "Pupsickles" - melt on the keyboard?

The chick that writes this blog looks quite sweet, though her other half looks a bit scary. In fact, he looks like a bit of a genetic throwback. Even with a peanut head. (The fact that they live in Alaska, while Trollmeister HQ is hidden deep in a mountain in the disputed territory of Nagorno-Karabakh means that I can say this in pretty much complete safety.)

Sadly though, her cute appearance doesn't make up for the dreadful blog.

You will have noticed that I haven't tackled the peach font yet. That's because every time I think about it, I vomit all over my... oh crap - there I go again....

The trouble with america

2006-05-17T07:54:00.000Z

The trouble with america is the population: they're americans.
OK, so some are mexicans too, but Mr Bush is trying to sort that little issue out.

america used to have the reputation as having the biggest and best of everything. And, when it gained that reputation, it was fully justified, as they did indeed seem to have both the biggest and the best of everything. But while their standards have slipped, their egos certainly haven't, and that's where the problem comes in: america still thinks it's the most important place in the world.

While the democratically elected president is widely and vocally criticised by geeks deluxe on their important little blogs, they are, in fact, being entirely hypocritical. For while america doesn't own Iraq, america also doesn't own the blogosphere.
All of which begs the question: why must we non-americans, who make up the majority of the blogging public, have to read their dull posts on american issues, such as local politics, baseball, american "football" and their wonderfully exciting reality TV series'?

I can only think of two reasons:
1. Perhaps they just don't care about anything outside america, or
2. Perhaps they don't actually realise that there is anything outside america.

Either way - goat-blowing american blogs which ignore anything unamerican have no place in the Trollmeister Controlled Blogosphere. As Thom Yorke once sang:

"When I am king, you will be first against the wall.
With your opinions which are of no consequence at all."

Now go buy an atlas...

Mother's Day

2006-05-16T08:09:00.000Z

Aww. It's mother's day.
Cue millions of sickening "Mommy, I love you" posts, the manic despressive brigade coming out with the "My mother never cared" posts and the achingly dull second-by-second posts describing every dull aspect of "Mommy's special day".

Example:
"We came back home Sunday early, because I had to work. After work, Jesse picked me up, we went and got the kids at Moms, visited my Grandmother, then came home, were [sic] Jesse had already done all the housework!! Even Laundry! He fixed a great supper, bathed the kids, put them in bed, Then turned on my Greys Anatomy and..."
Shut up. Just SHUT UP!

The weird thing is that all these mommy bloggers seem to think that their posts are unique, individual, worthwhile, original. I have news for you, ladies...

And here's an interesting woman: [LINK]. She thinks she should be paid for her job as a mother. I'm sorry, but I disagree. It's your choice to pollute the earth with your 4 (four!) kids. Stop bloody whinging.

I was going to link to other mommy blogs, but I guess you're just as sick of them as I am, so I'll spare you. Sadly, I think we all know that they're out there.

NEXT ON TROLLING FOR FUN:
American Idol - Why the rest of the world really doesn't give a toss.
Thursday 13 etc - For bloggers with absolutely no creative spirit

Gaining a reputation...

2006-04-13T10:18:00.000Z

Well, well, well! TFF is beginning to make a few waves on the Blogosphere Ocean.

My comment on Ekapa was described as "part maddening, part hilarious". Sadly, his sycophantic readers weren't so impressed and threatened to mailbomb me with viruses. All 5 of them.
Meanwhile, Chihuahua's Bite devoted a whole post to an exact cut and paste replica of this site.

What can I say? I'm flattered.

He started out describing me as an "anonymous twit", but came round to my way of thinking in the end:

So yes fellow bloggers, this fucker has really impressed me with his style and educated critique. I’m going to be a better person from this day on. I promise Trollmeister, I do.

See? everyone eventually realises I'm talking sense!

Finally, I had a comment on my last post from someone who accused me of posting a comment on her friend's blog and making her "feel like sh#$". I have no idea what comment or what blog, but I would imagine that her blog made me feel pretty much the same way - hence the comment...

What happened this week...

2006-04-05T13:54:00.000Z

(Or why you shouldn't blog unless you have something interesting to say)

3 things happened this week.

It snowed in some bits of the usa.
It was April Fool's Day.
The clocks went forward in the usa.

How do I know?!? Cos every f*****g blogger is writing about them.

"I thought it was Spring and then it snowed" [whine, moan]

Yeah - I think you'll find that Mother Nature doesn't (and has never) worked to a day-specific schedule when it comes to seasons. You live on the Canadian border and have done for the last 30 years. And this still surprises you.

The best (i.e. worst) April Fool post I saw was one girl who said she'd been robbed and then the next day told everyone it was an April Fool. What's funny about that? She wan't even injured. Boo.

Every yank is complaining that their body can't handle the hour they didn't get in bed. It's a f*****g hour, FFS! 1 hour! 60 minutes! Do you all live your lives by the second over there or something?
"I got up late and missed breakfast cos of Daylight Savings..." [whine, moan]

GOOD! You might lose some weight then, you fat cow.

Tip: If nothing interesting has happened in your sad little lives, don't post on your blog. Your post will be about as original as your sudden realisation that you breath a gas called Oxygen. (Yes, you do, you ill-educated tosspot - now, don't go and write about it...)

So what now?

2006-04-05T08:31:00.000Z

Well, I've been impressed by the response. Some people actually think this is a good idea. Cool. Can't believe no-one has done it before really. Or maybe they have. Who knows? Who cares?

The plan is to pick one or two sites from each day's trolling and highlight them on here - screenshots maybe or just a link - I haven't really decided.
Look - I have other projects to work on (2 other sites), I have a busy job, I have a family. So I can't be spending all my time on here sorting out the internet's problems. It'll just be as and when I have the time and inclination, OK?

Once again - I'm not out to assassinate anyone here. All I want is to make the internet more reader-friendly and bearable place for your average surfer by pointing out the odd shortcoming or two on sites I stumble across via traffic exchanges (none of which this site is registered on, incidentally). I expect a bit of backchat - I look forward to it, in fact. I want people to respond and do something about tidying their blogs up.
I don't think anyone can help http://puppytoes.typepad.com though. Really.

Why Troll?

2006-04-04T07:56:00.000Z

People who leave "nasty" comments on other people's blogs ("Trolls") are just exercising their right to free speech and to not have to put up with the dreadful array of blogtrash that's out there. I'm not advocating hate speech, I'm just wanting to read something more intelligent, something better written, something worthwhile and interesting. That is my right as a surfer. I shouldn't have to trawl through all that bad spelling, terrible grammar and same old "I don't like George Bush much" rubbish.

THAT BORES ME!

I've had enough. So welcome to Trolling For Fun. If your blog is crap - I'm going to tell you.